Sponge bath it is.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and i looked up. we had an audience...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize