i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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