i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
