cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
