i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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