I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
