I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
