He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
