I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
