he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
