You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
