Tell her she can't have a vagina
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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