Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
