Where is the hickey?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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