i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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