And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
