So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
