I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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