shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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