I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
