My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
