I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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