I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
