I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
