Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
