She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's always time for handjobs
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize