you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
