Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
