Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
