I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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