you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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