i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
