Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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