you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
