Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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