Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
