Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
