Well douche your snatch and let's go!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You dont lie about slip and slides
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
