On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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