Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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