he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
