I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
