i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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