She is in my trunk
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
