I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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