My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
