Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
