Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
