Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
