He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Green mimosas i think yes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
