My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
