dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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