He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
