he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
