Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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