So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He felt like a one man threesome
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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