coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
