Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
