I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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