big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she peed on how many people?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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