Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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