We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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