I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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