I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to sanitize my soul.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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