Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
