We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
