is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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