Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
