I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
