seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
