How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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