we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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